(J. C. Ryle, "The Gospel of Mark" 1857)

Of all relationships of life, none ought to be regarded
with such reverence, and none taken in hand so
cautiously as the relationship of husband and wife.

In no relationship is so much earthly happiness
to be found, if it be entered upon discreetly,
advisedly, and in the fear of God. In none is so
much misery seen to follow, if it be taken in hand
unadvisedly, lightly, wantonly, and without thought.

From no step in life does so much benefit come to
the soul, if people marry "in the Lord." From none
does the soul take so much harm, if fancy, passion,
or any mere worldly motive is the only cause which
produce the union.

There is, unhappily, only too much necessity
for impressing these truths upon people. It
is a mournful fact, that few steps in life are
generally taken with so much levity, self will,
and forgetfulness of God as marriage. Few are
the young couples who think of inviting Christ
to their wedding!

It is a mournful fact that unhappy marriages
are one great cause of the misery and sorrow
of which there is so much in the world. People
find out too late that they have made a mistake,
and go in bitterness all their days.

Happy are they, who in the matter
of marriage observe three rules:

The first is to marry only in the Lord, and
after prayer for God's approval and blessing.

The second is not to expect too much from their
partners, and to remember that marriage is, after
all, the union of two sinners, and not of two angels.

The third rule is to strive first and foremost
for one another's sanctification. The more holy
married people are, the happier they are.

Kapitel 5
Livets ljus
Läsestycken: Hes 43:2, 4 ? 5, 44:4, 47:1, Joh 1:4, 8:12, 3:3, 9:5, 12:20-24, 12:46, 2 Kor 4:4, Ef 1:17-19.

Livets ljus! Innan vi tittar närmare på detta ämne, Livets ljus, låt mig få ställa en enkel men mycket direkt fråga. Kan vi alla säga fullt sanningsenligt att vi verkligen är intresserade av att vara delaktiga i Guds syften, att känna till vad detta syfte är och bli funna mitt i det?

Allt är beroende av om vi bär på en sådan längtan. Det här är något som hör till det praktiska. Det skulle genast styra oss bort från att endast vara intresserade av sanningar och från att öka på informationsmängden och vår kunskap om andliga ting. När vi ser in i våra egna hjärtan ett ögonblick, och låt oss alla göra det, kan vi då verkligen säga att det finns ett genuint och stort intresse av att finnas mitt i detta syfte, detta storartade, eviga Guds syfte? Är vi beredda att överlåta oss till Herren i förhållande till detta med en förbindelse vilken präglas av fullständighet och slutgiltighet och utifrån vilken vi bär med oss en insikt om att han kommer att lägga allt tillrätta i fråga om oss för att till varje pris säkra sina syften. Är vi, som Guds folk, redo att stanna upp och låta oss ställas inför detta och se till att vi befinner oss i linje med Guds mål?

Jag vet att några av er redan befinner er där och för er finns det inte något att lägga till, men det finns alldeles säkert några som ser saker som självklara och tar mycket för givet. Vad jag menar är att de är kristna, de är troende, tillhör Herren, frälsta, man sätter tilltro till Herren och har förbindelse med kristna institutioner och har stått i detta länge, kanske från barnsben. Det är till sådana som jag talar och vädjar. Detta uttryckssätt används gång på gång i Guds ord: ?I enlighet med det syfte och den ordning som var fastlagt i Kristus Jesus förrän världens grund var lagd.? Är detta den sak som har främsta platsen i vårt synfält eller befinner det sig i bakgrunden som något dimmigt och diffust?

Jag lägger tonvikt vid detta för att se till att vi har något att arbeta med. Gud måste ges utrymme att arbeta, han måste ha något att arbeta utifrån, och där detta finns kan man fortsätta och det kommer att skapas ett rum för uppenbarelse av hans syfte och av dess väg. Men om vi inte befinner oss i en uttalat positiv position och attityd till detta kommer vi att höra en hel del sägas, men det kommer endast att vara ord som far förbi utan egentligt värde för oss.

Guds syfte
Nå, vi förutsätter att det finns ett sådant intresse, åtminstone i ett sådant mått vilket gör det möjligt att fortsätta och vi frågar: ?Vad innebär och innehåller Guds syfte??, ?Vilket är Guds mål??. Och jag menar att det kan beskrivas på följande sätt. Man kan slå fast att Guds syfte är att det ska komma ett tillfälle, en tid då han har ett kärl i och genom vilket hans härlighet sprider sitt ljus i detta universum. Vi ser hur detta speglas i bilderna av det nya Jerusalem som kommer ner från Gud ut ur Himlen, full av Guds härlighet. Den lyser som den dyrbaraste ädelsten, som en kristallklar jaspis. ?Ägande, bärande, Guds härlighet!?. Detta är det mål som Gud har i sikte för ett folk; att vara, andligt menat, för hans universum fyllt av andliga väsen som solen är i detta universum så att nationer och riken kan vandra i dess ljus ? inget behov av sol, inget behov av måne därför att det inte finns någon natt. Detta säger oss att Gud önskar äga ett folk fyllt av ljus, det ljus som följer med kunskapen om Guds härlighet. Detta är slutmålet, och Gud begynner arbetet hän mot detta mål redan då något av hans barn föds ovanifrån. Denna födelse, den nya födelsen ovanifrån, skingrar mörkret och är en inbrytning av ljuset.

Hela vägen genom denna Kristi skola, är den Helige Ande sysselsatt med detta ena, att leda oss längre och längre in i ljuset. ?Han har låtit ljus lysa upp våra hjärtan, för att kunskapen om Guds härlighet, som strålar fram i Kristi ansikte, skall sprida sitt sken.? Ef 4:6. Och det ska vara sant i fråga om oss: ?De rättfärdigas stig är lik gryningens ljus, som växer i klarhet, tills dagen når sin höjd.? Ords 4:18.
Många har trott, och genom att tänka så har man blivit besviken, att allt ska bli allt enklare och smidigare, allt blir bara ljusare och klarare, allt blir bara glättigare och mera fröjdefullt allteftersom vi fortsätter. Men så fungerar det inte. Jag kan inte finna täckning för detta i de heligas omständigheter och yttre förhållanden någonstans i någon tid. För dessa blir inte stig och vandring ljusare och ljusare i det yttre. Men om vi verkligen rör oss under den Helige Andes ledning och styre kan vi med kraftigaste eftertryck säga att i det inre växer ljuset allt mer. Stigen badar i allt klarare ljus, vi ser mer, ser klarare, ser allt i ett ständigt växande ljus.

Detta är Guds syfte, till dess den tid är inne då det inte finns något mörker alls, inga skuggor, ingen dimma, men då allt är ljus, allra bästa ljus, då när vi inte ser saker som i en spegel men ser ansikte mot ansikte och vi känner och vet på det sätt som vi själva är kända. Detta är Guds syfte beskrivet i enkla termer. Intresserar det dig? Bryr du dig om detta?
Detta innefattar krisen och för med sig en process i det andliga livet med en härlighetens klimax i ett uppryckande. Det jag särskilt har i sikte nu är denna process.

Vi läser i Hesekiels bok om Guds härlighet som kommer för att uppfylla templet, och vi har sett i de föregående studierna att Jesus Kristus är det templet. Han är det väldiga Guds Betel över vilket änglarna far upp och ner, i vilket Gud låter sig finnas, i vilket Gud talar (uppenbarelsens plats), i vilket Guds välde och auktoritet bor, det slutgiltiga ordet. Han är huset, templet, och Guds härlighet bor i honom, Guds ljus bor där.

Guds härlighets rum
Om vi ser tillbaka på det tabernakel eller det tempel där Guds härlighet, Guds shekinah, fanns lägger vi märke till att det ljus, den härlighet som sammanlänkade Himlen med jorden fäste sitt särskilda uttryck i det allra heligaste. Du vet att i det allra heligaste var allt omgärdat med draperier och förhängen för att utestänga allt naturligt ljus så att om man gick in dit skulle man hamna i fullständigt mörker om inte detta härlighetsljus hade funnits. Men när man gav sig in dit då härligheten vilade över det, badade allt i ljus, det var gudomligt ljus, himmelskt ljus, Guds ljus. Och detta det allra heligaste är en förebild till och visar upp Herren Jesu inre liv, hans ande där Gud återfinns, ljuset från Himlen, det ljus som återger vad Gud är i honom. Hans ande är det allra heligaste i Guds hus, och det var där i det allra heligaste som härlighetens ljus fanns. Där ville Gud vara samman med sitt folk och tala till dem genom sina representanter.

?Där skall jag göra mig känd för dig. Från nådastolen, från platsen mellan de båda keruberna som står på vittnesbördets ark, skall jag tala med dig? 2 Mos 25:22. Samvarons utrymme, där vill jag vistas samman med er och göra mig känd. Samvaro ? vilket underbart ord. I det finns inget av hårdhet, inget som väcker förskräckelse, inget som skapar fruktan. ?Jag vill vistas samman med er.? Det är den plats där Gud talar, där han gör sig känd. Det är samtalets plats. Den kallas uppenbarelsens plats, talandets plats. Det är nådastolen, försoningens utrymme och allt detta är Herren Jesus. Han har ställts fram som ett försoningsoffer, Rom 3:25, och i honom har Gud sin umgängelse med sitt folk. I honom talar Gud med sitt folk.

Men det är dessa ord ?I Honom? som måste lyftas fram och understrykas, därför att det inte finns någon umgängelse med Gud, ingen gudsnärvaro, inga ord från honom, ingen möjlighet till samtal utom i Kristus. Ett sådant möte skulle innebära förödelse och död för den naturliga människan. Därför finns dessa förfärande varningar utställda för att hindra oss att försöka ta oss in till den platsen utan att vara rätt utrustade och klädda, den utrustning som i symboler talade om den naturliga människans fullständiga skylande och om Himlens Man som klär oss i himmelska kläder, med rättfärdighetens mantel. Endast klädd på detta sätt kan man våga gå in där. Utan detta heter det: ?På det att han må dö??

Om du vill veta exakt hur detta tar sig uttryck, gå då till Nya testamentet och ta dig an berättelsen om färden till Damaskus som Saulus av Tarsus företog. Han säger: ?Jag fick under resan, konung Agrippa, mitt på dagen se ett ljus från himlen, klarare än solen, stråla omkring mig och mina följeslagare. Vi föll alla till marken, och jag hörde en röst som sade till mig på hebreiska: Saul, Saul, varför förföljer du mig??
Sedan minns du hur man reste upp honom, stödde honom och förde honom in i staden ? han hade ju blivit blind. Hans blindhet varade bara tre dagar och tre nätter. Genom Guds barmhärtighet sändes Ananias ut för att besöka den förblindade mannen och för att säga: ?Herren Jesus som visade sig för dig på vägen hit, han har sänt mig för att du skall kunna se igen och uppfyllas av den helige Ande.? Om inte detta hade skett hade Saulus förblivit blind i resten av sitt liv.
Detta är resultatet av den naturliga människans möte med Guds härlighet som lyser i Jesu Kristi ansikte. Det är förödelse. Det finns ingen plats för den naturliga människan i det ljuset ? det blir dess död. I Johannes 8 finner vi dessa ord, ?Livets ljus?, ställda mot dödens mörker. I Jesus Kristus ses den naturliga människan som helt ställd åt sidan. Det finns ingen plats för honom där.

Inget utrymme för den naturliga människan
Detta innebär att den naturliga människan inte kan nalkas det ljuset. Inte heller kan denna människa finna plats i Guds syfte och finnas med i det hus som fylls av Guds härlighet, detta kärl genom vilket han ska manifestera sin härlighet i sitt universum. Den naturliga människan kan inte nå in dit; och när vi talar om den naturliga människan refererar vi inte bara till den ofrälsta individen, den människa som inte har mött Herren Jesus. Vi talar om den människa som Gud helt och hållet ser som ställd åt sidan.

Aposteln Paulus var tvungen att tala till de troende i Korint om dessa ting. De hade låtit omvända sig, de var födda på nytt men de hade låtit sig fängslas av världens visdom och denna världs makt, vilket betyder naturlig visdom och kunskap och den makt som följer därmed. Och deras disposition och böjelse ledde dem att söka gripa tag om det som hörde till det gudomliga för att utforska och analysera det. De gjorde detta utifrån den naturliga människans visdom och förståelse, utifrån filosofi, utifrån denna världens filosofi och vishet.

De utnyttjade den naturliga människan som redskap till förståelse av det som hörde det gudomliga till och aposteln skrev till dem och talade med dem på deras eget språk och sa: ?En oandlig, en själisk människa ? att vara själisk syftar inte på den icke-pånyttfödda människan, inte en sådan som aldrig har haft att göra med Jesus Kristus utifrån hans försoningsverk ? tar inte emot det som tillhör Guds Ande. Det är dårskap för henne, och hon kan inte förstå det, eftersom det måste bedömas på ett andligt sätt.? 1 Kor 2:14.
En själisk människa, en människa som vandrar efter själslivets intryck och förmåga, detta är det vi kallar en naturlig människa. Den senaste av våra vetenskaper är psykologin, själslivets vetenskap, och vad innehåller denna vetenskap? Den sysslar med människans sinne, och här har vi vår text igen ? jag ger dig en parafrasering, därför att det är just detta det hela handlar om ? själslivets vetenskap kan inte ta emot det som hör Guds Ande till, inte heller kan denna vetenskap lära känna sådant. Denna människa är mycket smart, mycket intelligent, högt skolad, med alla sina naturliga sinnen förda till högsta nivå i utveckling och skärpa, ändå är denna människa utestängd när det gäller att förstå det som hör Gud till, han har ingen möjlighet, han befinner sig utanför.

För att kunna ta emot den första lilla glimt av kunskapen om Gud måste det till ett mirakel genom vilket blinda ögon som aldrig sett ljus ges förmåga att se. Och detta ljus kommer som en uppenbarelsens flamma, på det att det ska kunna sägas, ?Välsignad vare du? för kött och blod har inte uppenbarat detta för dig, men min Fader som är i Himlen.?

Detta slår fast ett oerhört faktum. Varje liten del av det verkliga ljuset har detta som mål; uppenbarelsen av Guds härlighet i oss och genom oss, varje liten del av det återfinns i Kristus Jesus och vi kan endast bli delaktiga av det i honom utifrån det faktum att den naturliga människan har ställts fullständigt åt sidan, eliminerats, och en ny människa har skapats med helt ny, andlig, förmåga och duglighet. Nikodemus, den bästa produkten av den tidens religiösa skolning, fick veta att ?Den som inte blir född på nytt kan inte se?? Han kan inte se. Innebörden är denna; för att kunna lära känna de första bokstäverna i det gudomliga alfabetet måste man vara i Kristus, och varje liten del som sedan följer innebär att lära Kristus, att få tag på vad det innefattar att vara i Kristus.

Det sätt på vilket vi kan få Livets Ljus
A. Krisen
Detta för oss till följande fråga. Vilken väg leder oss in i Kristus, eller hur får vi del av livets ljus? Svaret i dess enklaste form är, naturligtvis, att för att ha ljus måste vi ha liv. Detta ljus är livets ljus. Det är en produkt av livet. Allt gudomligt ljus, sant ljus som strömmar från Gud, är levande ljus. Det är aldrig ett teoriernas ljus, ett lärornas ljus, det är ett levande ljus. Och hur får vi tag på detta levande ljus?
Följande två ting visas fram för oss i Johannes evangelium ? Kristus i oss och vi i Kristus. Herren har gett oss en vacker illustration av vad det innebär. Vi finner den i kapitel tolv. Vad innebär det att vara i Kristus? Vad innefattar det att ha Kristus i oss? Vad innehåller detta att vara i livet och att vistas i ljuset? Vad vill det säga att ha livet och ljuset boende i oss?

Här är det. Det finns liv i det där ena vetekornet, men det är bara ett enda litet korn. Jag vill att det liv som finns i detta ena vetekorn ska överföras till alla dessa mängder av korn som behövs för att täcka jordens yta. Hur ska det ske?

t falla ner i den mörka jorden och låt den täcka det.? Vad kommer att hända? Det begynner genast att upplösas och falla sönder, att ge upp sitt eget i förhållande till det som är dess individuella, personliga liv.

Strax börjar ett skott att skjuta upp genom jorden och en stjälk att formas, sedan ett ax, ett tungt ax med vetekorn. Om jag verkligen kunde se livet och se in i dessa vetekorn så skulle jag se att livet som fanns i det första nu finns i vart och ett av dem. Sedan skulle jag kunna så dessa nya sädeskorn, om jag sådde etthundra skulle jag få tiotusen nya. Jag kunde så alla dessa och de skulle föröka sig hundrafalt till dess att jorden är full. Om jag sedan tog fram ett förstoringsglas för att titta in i vartenda ett av alla dessa miljoner korn och om livet vore något som jag kunde se med blotta ögat skulle jag finna att livet som fanns i det första kornet nu är allas liv. Detta är svaret.

Hur kan detta liv ges utrymme i oss, detta livets ljus? Herren Jesus säger att ett döende måste äga rum, en död i förhållande till vad vi är i oss själva, ett döende med avseende på vår eget liv, en död bort från det liv som levs skilt från honom. Vi måste följa honom ned i döden, och där, genom Guds Andes handlande i förening med Kristus begravna, äger en förvandling rum, ett överförande av hans liv till oss. Och när han träder ut är han inte längre ett ensamt vetekorn, men träder fram som mångfaldigad i var och en av oss. Detta är det mirakel som pågår år efter år i naturen, och det är just precis den princip som används för att Herren ska få utrymme i oss. Du förstår, det är nödvändigt att vi upphör att leva ett liv skilt från honom, det är nödvändigt att ge upp det livet fullständigt. Detta är en kris vid begynnelsen, en verklig kris. Förr eller senare måste den komma.

Några av er säger att ni inte har gått igenom en sådan kris. För mig, säger du, var detta att bli kristen en väldigt enkel och okomplicerad sak. Jag blev lärd som barn, eller, vid ett bestämt tillfälle bestämde jag mig och bekände min personliga tro på Herren Jesus och sedan dess hör jag Herren till; jag är kristen! Rör du dig i en växande fullhet, en klarare uppenbarelse av Herren Jesus? Gör du det? Är din himmel en öppen himmel? Uppenbarar sig Gud genom Kristus i allt rikare härlighet? Gör han det?

Jag säger inte att du inte hör Herren till, men jag säger att den oföränderliga basen för upplevelsen av en öppen himmel är en grav och en kris i vilken du kommer till slutet på ditt egenliv. Det är den kris som innebär verklig, erfarenhetsmässig identifikation med Kristus i hans död, inte denna gång för dina synder men som den du är. Din öppna himmel beror helt och fullt på detta. Detta innebär en kris. Så har det tett sig inte bara för en eller annan, men för många som fått gå den vägen.

Det är sant att de var Guds barn; de kände Kristus; de var frälsta; de tvivlade inte på detta. Men den tid kom då Herren, Livets Ljus, visade dem att han inte endast dog för att bära deras synder i sin kropp på korset men att han också representerade dem fullt ut i deras naturliga tillstånd och liv och detta för att kunna ställa det helt åt sidan. Det var individen, människan själv, inte bara hennes synder som korsfästes. Du är den människan, jag är den människan.
Många har, efter åratal som kristna, kommit fram till den oerhörda identifierandets kris, identifikationen med Kristus som män, som kvinnor, som delar av mänskligheten, inte bara som syndare men som del av den mänskliga rasen; naturliga människor, inte som opånyttfödda, men som naturliga människor med allt detta som vi är och har i vårt naturliga liv. Många har upplevt den krisen och från den punkten har allt hållit en helt annan, mycket större skala än någonsin tidigare i det kristna livet. Himlen har öppnats, fördjupad vision, livets ljus har flödat så mycket klarare.

Hur går det till? Det utgestaltas på krisens basis, och den krisen är kris för oss alla. Om du inte har gått igenom en sådan, får du tala med Herren om det. Märk väl, om du vill gå igenom ett sådant byte med Herren ber du verkligen om något drastiskt, du ber om svårigheter. Den naturliga människan ger sig inte till döden så lätt, denna människa klamrar sig hårdnackat fast, denna människa vill inte alls låta sig ställas åt sidan.

Se på vetekornet. Se vad som händer med det när det just fallit ner i myllan. Är det bekvämt? Vad händer? Det förlorar sin egen identitet. Man kan inte känna igen det. Plocka upp det och se på det. Är detta det fina lilla korn som vi släppte ner? Så fult det har blivit. Det har förlorat sin identitet, sin förmåga att hålla samman, det faller sönder. Så förfärligt. Detta är vad döden åstadkommer. Denna Kristi död, sådan den verkar i oss, bryter ner vårt naturliga liv. Den skingrar det, slår det i spillror, berövar det dess skönhet. Vi begynner upptäcka att vårt liv inte består av annat än fördärv, när allt kommer omkring. Sådan är sanningen.

När vi går igenom detta sönderfall, förlorar vi allt det vackra och dugliga som finns där, så som det ses utifrån det naturligas perspektiv, så som människor ser det. Det är inte alls behagligt att falla i jorden för att dö. Men det är detta som händer.
?Om det dör?? ?Har vi nu dött med Kristus, tror vi att vi också skall leva med honom.? Rom 6:8. Vi kommer att dela hans liv, få ett annat liv, och då kommer en ny form att uppstå, ett nytt liv ? inte vårt, men hans. Detta är brytning och kris. Jag ber och manar er att allvarligt ta itu med dessa ting tillsammans med Herren. Om du gör det, var då beredd på det jag sagt. Var beredd på sönderfallet, var beredd på att allt det som såg bra och gott ut kommer att räknas som förlust, var beredd på att få se att du är långt mera fördärvad än du kunde föreställa dig, förvänta dig att Herren kommer att leda dig till att ropa ? ve mig, jag är oduglig.

Men sedan kommer välsignelsen, och den kommer att se ut så här ? Herre, det bästa som kan hända mig är att jag dör. Och Herren kommer att svara; det är just detta som jag har haft i sikte. Jag kan inte låta det som är förgängligt och korrupt klädas i härlighet. ?Detta förgängliga måste kläs i oförgänglighet och detta dödliga kläs i odödlighet.? 1 Kor 15:53. Den oförgängligheten är den kärna av gudomligt liv i kornet som ger upp sitt eget liv, det gudomliga liv som förs över från honom. Gud kommer inte att förhärliga denna mänsklighet. Han kommer att forma oss efter Herrens härlighet. Här möter vi sådant som är alltför djupt och som ligger långt framom, men vi hävdar att det måste till en kris, en brytpunkt, om vi ska nå härligheten, Guds mål.

B. Processen
Sedan följer en process. Herren Jesus sa: ?Om någon vill följa mig, skall han förneka sig själv och varje dag ta sitt kors och följa mig.? Han gjorde inte våld på den princip vi just visat på genom dessa ord. Att korset är något som man tar upp och tar till sig en gång för alla är fullständigt riktigt och det i relation till den kris under vilken vi säger ?Herre, jag accepterar nu fullständigt vad korset innebär?. Men vi kommer att finna att efter krisen, denna genomgripande kris, måste vi dagligen hålla fast vid och överlåta oss till korset. Korset utför sitt verk i oss mitt i de svårigheter och lidanden som Herren tillåter att komma över sitt folk.
Han har i sin suveränitet försatt dig i en besvärlig situation, ett hem som är under press, i ditt arbete, sjukdom och svaghet, svårigheter i någon relation. Mina kära, detta är korsets för er på erfarenhetens plan för att Herren ska få ett större utrymme. Sådant skapar väg för hans tålamod, för hans uthållighet och för hans kärlek. Detta är till för att göra väg för honom. Du kan inte gå ner på knä varje morgon för att be, ?Herre, ta mig bort från detta hem, gör mig fri från min arbetsplats, befria mig från dessa svårigheter?. Du måste lära dig säga: ?Herre, om detta är korsets uttryck för mig denna dag, då tar jag upp det och bär det?.

Om du möter situationen på detta sätt kommer du att finna att det finns styrka tillreds, det finns seger där, det finns ett samspel med Herren som bär frukt. Torftigheten och fruktlösheten försvinner. Det är i dessa former som Herren låter korsets princip komma till sant uttryck i den dagliga erfarenheten. ?Den som inte bär sitt kors och följer mig kan inte vara min lärjunge.? ? en lärjunge lär av mig, han lär in mig! Att ta sig an svårigheterna, vadhelst de består i, dag för dag är den väg, är det sätt på vilket vi lär oss Kristus. Och detta är Ljusets process, livets ljus, att lära känna, att få se, att föras till fullhet. Du och jag kan aldrig se eller förstå utan korset. Korset måste röja undan det naturliga livet. Herren vet vad vi skulle ställa till med om han ställde undan korset. Jag undrar vad vi skulle göra.

Det tillhör inte bara den senare nytestamentliga fraseologin eller uttryckssättet att tala om vårt dagliga korsbärande. Principen är nog snarare denna att det är det kors som ges till honom som blir det kors jag ska bära dagligen. Detta ligger nog sanningen närmast, och det får detta uttryck. Om Herren lyfte undan det som är korsets uttryck i vårt dagliga liv, lyfte bort det från våra skuldror, skulle det inte vara särskilt bra för oss. Detta skulle genast bereda väg för ett nytt framväxande av det naturliga livet. Du ser det när människor upplever lättnader i svårigheter. Man börjar visa upp sig, man sätter sig på höga hästar och ser ner på dig, du har fel, de har rätt. Stolthet och självtillräcklighet, allt detta dyker upp.
Hur var det med Paulus? Jag ser upp till honom som en andlig gigant. Vid sidan av honom är vi som marionetter i andligt avseende. Ändå var det så att Paulus, gigant som han var, ödmjukt erkände att Herren hade sänt honom en satans budbärare för att tränga honom, en törntagg i köttet, så att han inte skulle höja sig själv till skyarna. Andliga giganter kan verkligen upphöja sig själva om inte Herren lägger hinder ivägen. För att hålla denna väg för uppenbarelse öppen och ren och för att den skulle kunna vidgas och utvecklas, sa Herren: ?Jag måste låta dig göras liten, väldigt liten, jag måste sätta snäva gränser för dig. Det är enda möjligheten. Så snart du kommer fram, Paulus, kommer du att begränsa ljuset och fördärva uppenbarelsen.?

Här har vi principen. Livets ljus. Det är hans liv, därför säger aposteln: ?Alltid bär vi Jesu död i vår kropp, för att också Jesu liv skall bli synligt i vår kropp.? 2 Kor 4:10. Det är hans liv vi måste ha, och med det livet kommer ljuset. Det är ljus genom liv. Det finns inget annat gudomligt ljus, bara det som kommer ur hans liv inom oss och det är hans död verkande i oss som banar väg och ger utrymme för hans liv.
Jag måste avsluta här. Se återigen på Guds mål: Ljus, härlighet, fullheten på väg in. Detta finns i Kristus. Mängden ljus, härlighetens mått, kommer att vara densamma som måttet av Kristus och detta mått kommer att vara helt och hållet beroende av det utrymme han finner för sig själv i oss. Och för att det ska kunna finnas utrymme för honom måste vi komma till den punkt där vi når ett fullständigt åsidosättande av vårt självliv ? något som tar en hel livstid.
Men, välsignad vare Gud, det finns en härlighetens klimax, då när han kommer för att bli förhärligad i sina heliga, för att beskådas i alla dem som tror. Att beskådas, att väcka förundran. Att äga, att bära på Guds härlighet. Måtte något av härlighetens ljus falla över våra hjärtan nu för att trösta och uppmuntra oss under vägen, för att styrka våra hjärtan för fortsatt vandring i kunskapen om hans Son, för hans namns skull.

Of the great danger and folly, of not intending to be as eminent and exemplary as we can, in the practice of all Christian virtues.

Although the goodness of God, and His rich mercies in Christ Jesus, are a sufficient assurance to us, that He will be merciful to our unavoidable weakness and infirmities, that is, to such failings as are the effects of ignorance or surprise; yet we have no reason to expect the same mercy towards those sins which we have lived in, through a lack of intention to avoid them. For instance; the case of a common swearer, who dies in that guilt, seems to have no title to the Divine mercy; for this reason, because he can no more plead any weakness or infirmity in his excuse, than the man that hid his talent in the earth could plead his lack of strength to keep it out of the earth. But now, if this be right reasoning in the case of a common swearer, that his sin is not to be reckoned a pardonable frailty, because he has no weakness to plead in its excuse, why then do we not carry this way of reasoning to its true extent? Why do not we as much condemn every other error of life, that has no more weakness to plead in its excuse than common swearing? For if swearing be so bad a thing, because it might be avoided, if we did but sincerely intend it, must not then all other erroneous ways of life be very guilty, if we live in them, not through weakness and inability, but because we never sincerely intended to avoid them?

For instance; you perhaps have made no progress in the most important Christian virtues, you have scarce gone half way in humility and charity; now if your failure in these duties is purely owing to your lack of intention of performing them in any true degree, have you not then as little to plead for yourself, and are you not as much without all excuse, as the common swearer? Why, therefore, do you not press these things home upon your conscience? Why do you not think it as dangerous for you to live in such defects, as are in your power to amend, as it is dangerous for a common swearer to live in the breach of that duty, which it is in his power to observe? Is not negligence, and a lack of sincere intention, as blamable in one case as in another?

You, it may be, are as far from Christian perfection, as the common swearer is from keeping the third commandment; are you not therefore as much condemned by the doctrines of the Gospel, as the swearer is by the third commandment? You perhaps will say, that all people fall short of the perfection of the Gospel, and therefore you are content with your failings. But this is saying nothing to the purpose. For the question is not whether Gospel perfection can be fully attained, but whether you come as near it as a sincere intention and careful diligence can carry you. Whether you are not in a much lower state than you might be, if you sincerely intended, and carefully labored, to advance yourself in all Christian virtues? If you are as forward in the Christian life as your best endeavors can make you, then you may justly hope that your imperfections will not be laid to your charge--but if your defects in piety, humility, and charity, are owing to your negligence, and lack of sincere intention to be as eminent as you can in these virtues, then you leave yourself as much without excuse as he that lives in the sin of swearing, through the lack of a sincere intention to depart from it.

The salvation of our souls is set forth in Scripture as a thing of difficulty, that requires all our diligence, that is to be worked out with fear and trembling. We are told, that "strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, that leads unto life, and few there be that find it." That "many are called, but few are chosen." And that many will miss of their salvation, who seem to have taken some pains to obtain it--as in these words, "Strive to enter in at the strait gate--for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able." Here our blessed Lord commands us to STRIVE to enter in, because many will fail, who only SEEK to enter. By which we are plainly taught, that religion is a state of labor and striving, and that many will fail of their salvation; not because they took no pains or care about it, but because they did not take pains and care enough; they only sought, but did not strive to enter in.

Every Christian, therefore, should as well examine his life by these doctrines as by the commandments. For these doctrines are as plain marks of our condition, as the commandments are plain marks of our duty. For if salvation is only given to those who strive for it, then it is as reasonable for me to consider whether my course of life be a course of striving to obtain it, as to consider whether I am keeping any of the commandments. If my religion is only a formal compliance with those modes of worship that are in fashion where I live; if it costs me no pains or trouble; if it lays me under no rules and restraints; if I have no careful thoughts and sober reflections about it--is it not great weakness to think that I am striving to enter in at the strait gate? If I am seeking everything that can delight my senses, and regale my appetites; spending my time and fortune in pleasures, in diversions, and worldly enjoyments; a stranger to watchings, fastings, prayers, and mortification; how can it be said that I am working out my salvation with fear and trembling? If there is nothing in my life and conversation that shows me to be different from Jews and Heathen; if I use the world, and worldly enjoyments, as the generality of people now do, and in all ages have done; why should I think that I am among those few who are walking in the narrow way to Heaven? And yet if the way is narrow, if none can walk in it but those that strive, is it not as necessary for me to consider, whether the way I am in be narrow enough, or the labor I take be a sufficient striving, as to consider whether I sufficiently observe the second or third commandment?

The sum of this matter is this--From the above mentioned, and many ther passages of Scripture, it seems plain, that our salvation depends upon the sincerity and perfection of our endeavors to obtain it. Weak and imperfect men shall, notwithstanding their frailties and defects, be received, as having pleased God, if they have done their utmost to please Him. The rewards of charity, piety, and humility, will be given to those, whose lives have been a careful labor to exercise these virtues in as high a degree as they could. We cannot offer to God the service of Angels; we cannot obey Him as man in a state of perfection could; but fallen men can do their best, and this is the perfection that is required of us; it is only the perfection of our best endeavors, a careful labor to be as perfect as we can. But if we stop short of this, for anything we know, we stop short of the mercy of God, and leave ourselves nothing to plead from the terms of the Gospel. For God has there made no promises of mercy to the slothful and negligent. His mercy is only offered to our frail and imperfect, but best endeavors, to practice all manner of righteousness.

As the law to Angels is angelical righteousness, as the law to perfect beings is strict perfection, so the law to our imperfect natures is, the best obedience that our frail nature is able to perform. The measure of our love to God, seems in justice to be the measure of our love of every virtue. We are to love and practice it with all our heart, with all our soul, with all our mind, and with all our strength. And when we cease to live with this regard to virtue, we live below our nature, and, instead of being able to plead our infirmities, we stand chargeable with negligence. It is for this reason that we are exhorted to work out our salvation with fear and trembling; because unless our heart and passions are eagerly bent upon the work of our salvation; unless holy fears animate our endeavors, and keep our consciences strict and tender about every part of our duty, constantly examining how we live, and how fit we are to die; we shall in all probability fall into a state of negligence, and sit down in such a course of life, as will never carry us to the rewards of Heaven. And he that considers, that a just God can only make such allowances as are suitable to His justice, that our works are all to be examined by fire, will find that fear and trembling are proper tempers for those that are drawing near so great a trial. And indeed there is no probability, that any one should do all the duty that is expected from him, or make that progress in piety, which the holiness and justice of God requires of him, but he that is constantly afraid of falling short of it.

Now this is not intended to possess people's minds with a scrupulous anxiety, and discontent in the service of God, but to fill them with a just fear of living in sloth and idleness, and in the neglect of such virtues as they will need at the day of Judgment. It is to excite them to an earnest examination of their lives, to such zeal, and care, and concern after Christian perfection, as they use in any matter that has gained their heart and affections. It is only desiring them to be so apprehensive of their state, so humble in the opinion of themselves, so earnest after higher degrees of piety, and so fearful of falling short of happiness, as the great Apostle Paul was, when he thus wrote to the Philippians--"Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect--but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." And then he adds, "Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, be thus minded."

But now, if the Apostle thought it necessary for those, who were in his state of perfection, to be "thus minded," that is, thus laboring, pressing, and aspiring after some degree of holiness, to which they were not then arrived, surely it is much more necessary for us, who are born in the dregs of time, and laboring under great imperfections, to be "thus minded," that is, thus earnest and striving after such degrees of a holy and Divine life, as we have not yet attained. The best way for any one to know how much he ought to aspire after holiness, is to consider, not how much will make his present life easy, but to ask himself, how much he thinks will make him easy at the hour of death. Now any man that dares be so serious, as to put this question to himself, will be forced to answer, that at death, every one will wish that he had been as perfect as human nature can be. Is not this therefore sufficient to put us not only upon wishing, but laboring after all that perfection, which we shall then lament the lack of? Is it not excessive folly to be content with such a course of piety as we already know cannot content us, at a time when we shall so need it, as to have nothing else to comfort us? How can we carry a severer condemnation against ourselves, than to believe, that, at the hour of death, we shall need the virtues of the Saints, and wish that we had been among the first servants of God, and yet take no methods of arriving at their height of piety, while we are alive?

Though this is an absurdity that we can easily pass over at present, while the health of our bodies, the passions of our minds, the noise, and hurry, and pleasures, and business of the world, lead us on with eyes that see not, and ears that hear not; yet, at death, it will set itself before us in a dreadful magnitude, it will haunt us like a dismal spirit, and our conscience will never let us take our eyes from it. We see in worldly matters, what a torment self condemnation is, and how hardly a man is able to forgive himself, when he has brought himself into any calamity or disgrace, purely by his own folly. The affliction is made doubly tormenting, because he is forced to charge it all upon himself, as his own act and deed, against the nature and reason of things, and contrary to the advice of all his friends.

Now by this we may in some degree guess how terrible the pain of that self-condemnation will be, when a man shall find himself in the miseries of death under the severity of a self-condemning conscience, charging all his distress upon his own folly and madness, against the sense and reason of his own mind, against all the doctrines and precepts of religion, and contrary to all the instructions, calls, and warnings, both of God and man.

PENITENS was a busy, notable tradesman, and very prosperous in his dealings, but died in the thirty-fifth year of his age. A little before his death, when the doctors had given him over, some of his neighbors came one evening to see him, at which time he spoke thus to them?

"I see, my friends, the tender concern you have for me, by the grief that appears in your countenances, and I know the thoughts that you have now about me. You think how melancholy a case it is, to see so young a man, and in such flourishing business, delivered up to death. And perhaps, had I visited any of you in my condition, I should have had the same thoughts of you. But now, my friends, my thoughts are no more like your thoughts than my condition is like yours. It is no trouble to me now to think, that I am to die young, or before I have raised an estate. These things are now sunk into such mere nothings, that I have no name little enough to call them by. For if in a few days or hours, I am to leave this carcass to be buried in the earth, and to find myself either forever happy in the favor of God, or eternally separated from all light and peace, can any words sufficiently express the littleness of everything else?

"Is there any dream like the dream of life, which amuses us with the neglect and disregard of these things? Is there any folly like the folly of our manly state, which is too wise and busy, to be at leisure for these reflections? When we consider death as a misery, we only think of it as a miserable separation from the enjoyments of this life. We seldom mourn over an old man that dies rich, but we lament the young, that are taken away in the progress of their fortune. You yourselves look upon me with pity, not that I am going unprepared to meet the Judge of the living and the dead, but that I am to leave a prosperous trade in the flower of my life. This is the wisdom of our manly thoughts. And yet what folly of the silliest children is so great as this? For what is there miserable, or dreadful in death, but the consequences of it? When a man is dead, what does anything signify to him, but the state he is then in?

"Our poor friend Lepidus died, you know, as he was dressing himself for a feast--do you think it is now part of his trouble, that he did not live until that entertainment was over? Feasts, and business, and pleasures, and enjoyments, seem great things to us, while we think of nothing else; but as soon as we add death to them, they all sink into an equal littleness; and the soul that is separated from the body no more laments the loss of business, than the losing of a feast. If I am now going into the joys of God, could there be any reason to grieve, that this happened to me before I was forty years of age? Could it be a sad thing to go to Heaven, before I had made a few more bargains, or stood a little longer behind a counter? And if I am to go among lost spirits, could there be any reason to be content, that this did not happen to me until I was old, and full of riches? If good Angels were ready to receive my soul, could it be any grief to me, that I was dying upon a poor bed in a garret? And if God has delivered me up to evil spirits, to be dragged by them to places of torments, could it be any comfort to me, that they found me upon a bed of nobility? When you are as near death as I am, you will know that all the different states of life, whether of youth or age, riches or poverty, greatness or lowliness, signify no more to you, than whether you die in a poor or stately palace. The greatness of those things which follow death makes all that goes before it sink into nothing. Now that judgment is the next thing that I look for, and everlasting happiness or misery is come so near me, all the enjoyments and prosperities of life seem as vain and insignificant, and to have no more to do with my happiness, than the clothes that I wore before I could speak.

"But, my friends, how am I surprised that I have not always had these thoughts? for what is there in the terrors of death, in the vanities of life, or the necessities of piety, but what I might have as easily and fully seen in any part of my life? What a strange thing is it, that a little health, or the poor business of a shop, should keep us so senseless of these great things, that are coming so fast upon us!

"Just as you came in my chamber, I was thinking with myself, what numbers of souls there are now in the world, in my condition at this very time, surprised with a summons to the other world; some taken from their shops and farms, others from their sports and pleasures, these at suits of law, those at gaming tables, some on the road, others at their own firesides, and all seized at an hour when they thought nothing of it; frightened at the approach of death, confounded at the vanity of all their labors, designs, and projects, astonished at the folly of their past lives, and not knowing which way to turn their thoughts, to find any comfort. Their consciences flying in their faces, bringing all their sins to their remembrance, tormenting them with deepest convictions of their own folly, presenting them with the sight of the angry Judge, the worm that never dies, the fire that is never quenched, the gates of hell, the powers of darkness, and the bitter pains of eternal death.

"Oh, my friends! bless God that you are not of this number, that you have time and strength to employ yourselves in such works of piety, as may bring you peace at the last. And take this along with you, that there is nothing but a life of great piety, or a death of great stupidity, that can keep off these apprehensions. Had I now a thousand worlds, I would give them all for one year more, that I might present unto God one year of such devotion and good works, as I never before so much as intended. You, perhaps, when you consider that I have lived free from scandal and debauchery, and in the communion of the Church, wonder to see me so full of remorse and self-condemnation at the approach of death. But, alas! what a poor thing is it, to have lived only free from murder, theft, and adultery, which is all that I can say of myself. You know, indeed, that I have never been reckoned a drunkard--but you are, at the same time, witnesses, and have been frequent companions of my intemperance, sensuality, and great indulgence. And if I am now going to a judgment, where nothing will be rewarded but good works, I may well be concerned, that though I am no drunkard, yet I have no Christian sobriety to plead for me.

"It is true, I have lived in the communion of the Church, and generally frequented its worship and service on Sundays, when I was neither too idle, or not otherwise disposed of by my business and pleasures. But, then, my conformity to the public worship has been rather a thing of course, than any real intention of doing that which the service of the Church supposes--had it not been so, I had been oftener at Church, more devout when there, and more fearful of ever neglecting it.

"But the thing that now surprises me above all wonders is this, that I never had so much as a general intention of living up to the piety of the Gospel. This never so much as entered into my head or my heart. I never once in my life considered whether I was living as the laws of religion direct, or whether my way of life was such, as would procure me the mercy of God at this hour. And can it be thought that I have kept the Gospel terms of salvation, without ever so much as intending, in any serious and deliberate manner, either to know them, or keep them? Can it be thought that I have pleased God with such a life as He requires, though I have lived without ever considering what He requires, or how much I have performed? How easy a thing would salvation be, if it could fall into my careless hands, who have never had so much serious thought about it, as about any one common bargain that I have made?

"In the business of life I have used prudence and reflection. I have done everything by rules and methods. I have been glad to converse with men of experience and judgment, to find out the reasons why some fail and others succeed in any business. I have taken no step in trade but with great care and caution, considering every advantage or danger that attended it. I have always had my eye upon the main end of business, and have studied all the ways and means of being a gainer by all that I undertook. But what is the reason that I have brought none of these tempers to religion? What is the reason that I, who have so often talked of the necessity of rules, and methods, and diligence, in worldly business, have all this while never once thought of any rules, or methods, or managements, to carry me on in a life of piety?

"Do you think anything can astonish and confound a dying man like this? What pain do you think a man must feel, when his conscience lays all this folly to his charge, when it shall show him how regular, exact, and wise he has been in small matters, that are passed away like a dream, and how stupid and senseless he has lived, without any reflection, without any rules, in things of such eternal moment, as no heart can sufficiently conceive them? Had I only my frailties and imperfections to lament at this time, I would lie here humbly trusting in the mercies of God. But, alas! how can I call a general disregard, and a thorough neglect of all religious improvement, a frailty or imperfection, when it was as much in my power to have been exact, and careful, and diligent in a course of piety, as in the business of my trade? I could have called in as many helps, have practiced as many rules, and been taught as many certain methods of holy living, as of thriving in my shop, had I but so intended, and desired it.

"Oh, my friends! a careless life, unconcerned and inattentive to the duties of religion, is so without all excuse, so unworthy of the mercy of God, such a shame to the sense and reason of our minds, that I can hardly conceive a greater punishment, than for a man to be thrown into the state that I am in, to reflect upon it."

Penitens was here going on, but had his mouth stopped by a convulsion, which never allowed him to speak any more. He lay convulsed about twelve hours, and then gave up the spirit. Now if every reader would imagine this Penitens to have been some particular acquaintance or relation of his, and fancy that he saw and heard all that is here described; that he stood by his bedside when his poor friend lay in such distress and agony, lamenting the folly of his past life, it would, in all probability, teach him such wisdom as never entered into his heart before. If to this he should consider how often he himself might have been surprised in the same state of negligence, and made an example to the rest of the world, this double reflection, both upon the distress of his friend, and the goodness of that God, who had preserved him from it, would in all likelihood soften his heart into holy tempers, and make him turn the remainder of his life into a regular course of piety. This therefore being so useful a meditation, I shall here leave the reader, as I hope, seriously engaged in it.

 

 

by Horatius Bonar

We have been carnal and unspiritual. The tone of our life has been low and earthly. Associating too much and too intimately with the world, we have in a great measure become accustomed to its ways. Hence our spiritual tastes have been vitiated, our consciences blunted, and that sensitive tenderness of feeling has worn off and given place to an amount of callousness of which we once, in fresher days, believed ourselves incapable.

We have been selfish. We have shrunk from toil, difficulty and endurance. We have counted only our lives, and our temporal ease and comfort dear unto us. We have sought to please ourselves. We have been worldly and covetous. We have not presented ourselves unto God as "living sacrifices," laying ourselves, our lives, our substance, our time, our strength, our faculties, our all, upon His altar. We seem altogether to have lost sight of this self sacrificing principle on which even as Christians, but much more as ministers, we are called upon to act. We have had little idea of anything like sacrifice at all. Up to the point where a sacrifice was demanded, we may have been willing to go, but there we stood; counting it unnecessary, perhaps calling it imprudent and unadvised, to proceed further. Yet ought not the life of every Christian, especially of every minister, to be a life of self sacrifice and self denial throughout, even as was the life of Him who "pleased not himself"?

We have been slothful. We have been sparing of our toil. We have not endured hardship as good soldiers of Jesus Christ. We have not sought to gather up the fragments of our time, that not a moment might be thrown idly or unprofitably away. Precious hours and days have been wasted in sloth, in idle company, in pleasure, in idle or worthless reading, that might have been devoted to the closet, the study, the pulpit or the meeting! Indolence, self indulgence, fickleness, flesh pleasing, have eaten like a canker into our ministry, arresting the blessing and marring our success. We have manifested but little of the unwearied, self denying love with which, as shepherds, we ought to have watched over the flocks committed to our care. We have fed ourselves, and not the flock. We have dealt deceitfully with God, whose servants we profess to be.

We have been cold. Even when diligent, how little warmth and glow! The whole soul is not poured into the duty, and hence it wears too often the repulsive air of 'routine' and 'form'. We do not speak and act like men in earnest. Our words are feeble, even when sound and true; our looks are careless, even when our words are weighty; and our tones betray the apathy which both words and looks disguise. Love is lacking, deep love, love strong as death, love such as made Jeremiah weep in secret places. In preaching and visiting, in counseling and reproving, what formality, what coldness, how little tenderness and affection!

We have been timid. Fear has often led us to smooth down or generalize truths which if broadly stated must have brought hatred and reproach upon us. We have thus often failed to declare to our people the whole counsel of God. We have shrunk from reproving, rebuking and exhorting with all patience and doctrine. We have feared to alienate friends, or to awaken the wrath of enemies.

We have been lacking in solemnity. How deeply ought we to be abased at our levity, frivolity, flippancy, vain mirth, foolish talking and jesting, by which grievous injury has been done to souls, the progress of the saints retarded, and the world countenanced in its wretched vanities.

We have preached ourselves, not Christ. We have sought applause, courted honor, been avaricious of fame and jealous of our reputation. We have preached too often so as to exalt ourselves instead of magnifying Christ, so as to draw men's eyes to ourselves instead of fixing them on Him and His cross. Have we not often preached Christ for the very purpose of getting honor to ourselves? Christ, in the sufferings of His first coming and the glory of His second, has not been the Alpha and Omega, the first and the last, of all our sermons.

We have not duly studied and honored the Word of God. We have given a greater prominence to man's writings, man's opinions, man's systems in our studies than to the Word. We have drunk more out of human cisterns than divine. We have held more communion with man than God. Hence the mold and fashion of our spirits, our lives, our words, have been derived more from man than God. We must study the Bible more. We must steep our souls in it. We must not only lay it up within us, but transfuse it through the whole texture of the soul. The study of truth in its academic more than in its devotional form has robbed it of its freshness and power, engendering formality and coldness.

We have not been men of prayer. The spirit of prayer has slumbered among us. The closet has been too little frequented and delighted in. We have allowed business, study or active labor to interfere with our closet hours. A feverish atmosphere has found its way into our closet, disturbing the sweet calm of its blessed solitude. Sleep, company, idle visiting, foolish talking and jesting, idle reading, unprofitable occupations, engross time that might have been redeemed for prayer. Why is there so little concern to get time to pray? Why is there so much speaking, yet so little prayer? Why is there so much running to and fro, yet so little prayer? Why so much bustle and business, yet so little prayer? Why so many meetings with our fellow men, yet so few meetings with God? Why so little being alone, so little thirsting of the soul for the calm, sweet hours of unbroken solitude, when God and His child hold fellowship together as if they could never part? It is the lack of these solitary hours that not only injures our own growth in grace, but makes us such unprofitable members of the church of Christ, and that renders our lives useless. In order to grow in grace, we must be much alone with God. It is not in society, even Christian society that the soul grows most rapidly and vigorously. In one single quiet hour of prayer it will often make more progress than in whole days of company with others. It is in the 'desert' that the dew falls freshest and the air is purest. So with the soul. It is when none but God is near; when His presence alone, like the desert air in which there is mingled no noxious breath of man, surrounds and pervades the soul; it is then that the eye gets the clearest, simplest view of eternal certainties; it is then that the soul gathers in wondrous refreshment and power and energy.  Nearness to God, fellowship with God, waiting upon God, resting in God, have been too little the characteristic either of our private or our ministerial walk. Hence our example has been so powerless, our labors so unsuccessful, our sermons so meager, our whole ministry so fruitless and feeble.

We have not honored the Holy Spirit. We have not sought His teaching or His anointing. "But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth." (1 John 2:20). Neither in the study of the Word nor the preaching of it to others, have we duly acknowledged His office as the Enlightener of the understanding, the Revealer of the truth, the Testifier and Glorifier of Christ. We have grieved Him by the slight put upon Him as the Teacher, the Convincer, the Comforter, the Sanctifier. Hence He has almost departed from us, and left us to reap the fruit of our own perversity and unbelief. Besides, we have grieved Him by our inconsistent walk, by our lack of circumspection, by our worldly mindedness, by our unholiness, by our prayerlessness, by our unfaithfulness, by our lack of solemnity, by a life and conversation so little in conformity with the character of a disciple or the office of ambassador.

We have had little of the mind of Christ. We have come far short of the example of the Master. We have had little of the grace, the compassion, the meekness, the lowliness, the love of Jesus. His weeping over Jerusalem is a feeling in which we have but little heartfelt sympathy. His seeking of the lost is little imitated by us. His unwearied teaching of the multitudes we shrink from as too much for flesh and blood. His days of fasting, His nights of watchfulness and prayer, are not fully realized as models for us to copy. His counting not His own life dear unto Him that He might glorify the Father and finish the work given Him to do, is but little remembered by us as the principle on which we are to act. Yet surely we are to follow His steps; the servant is to walk where his Master has led the way; the under shepherd is to be what the Chief Shepherd was. We must not seek rest or ease in a world where He whom we love had none.

We have been unbelieving. It is unbelief that makes us so cold in our preaching, so slothful in visiting, and so remiss in all our sacred duties. It is unbelief that chills our life and straitens our heart. It is unbelief that makes us handle eternal realities with such irreverence. It is unbelief that makes us ascend with so light a step into the pulpit to deal with immortal beings about heaven and hell.

We have not been sincere in our preaching. If we were, could we be so cold, so prayerless, so inconsistent, so slothful, so worldly, so unlike men whose business is all about eternity? We must be more in earnest if we would win souls. We must be more in earnest if we would walk in the footsteps of our beloved Lord, or if we would fulfill the vows that are upon us. We must be more in earnest if we would be less than hypocrites. We must be more in earnest if we would finish our course with joy, and obtain the crown at the Master's coming. We must work while it is day; the night comes when no man can work.

We have been unfaithful. The fear of man and the love of his applause have often made us afraid. We have been unfaithful to our own souls, to our flocks, and to our brethren; unfaithful in the pulpit, in visiting, in discipline in the church. In the discharge of every one of the duties of our stewardship there has been grievous unfaithfulness. Instead of the special particularization of the sin reproved, there has been the vague allusion. Instead of the bold reproof, there has been the timid hint. Instead of the uncompromising condemnation, there has been the feeble disapproval. Instead of the unswerving consistency of a holy life whose uniform tenor should be a protest against the world and a rebuke of sin, there has been such an amount of unfaithfulness in our walk and conversation, in our daily deportment and talking with others, that any degree of faithfulness we have been enabled to manifest on the Lord's Day is almost neutralized by the lack of circumspection which our weekday life exhibits.

We need men that will spend and be spent, that will labor and pray, that will watch and weep for souls!

Hymns of the Lukewarm Church

1. A Comfy Mattress Is Our God

2. Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee

3. Above Average is Thy Faithfulness

4. Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word

5. All Hail the Influence of Jesus? Name

6. My Hope is Built on Nothing Much

7. Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound

8. My Faith Looks Around for Thee

9. Be Thou My Hobby

10. O God, Our Enabler in Ages Past

11. Blest Be the Tie That Doesn?t Cramp My Style

12. Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing

13. He?s Quite a Bit to Me

14. Oh, How I Like Jesus

15. I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviors on Jesus

16. Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me

17. I Surrender Some

18. Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow

19. I?m Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives

20. Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord is Come

21. Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus

22. Special, Special, Special

23. Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere Near Me

24. Stick Nearby, It?s Getting Dark Outside

25. Take My Life and Let Me Be

26. There is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today

27. There Shall be Sprinkles of Blessings

28. What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus

29. When Peace, Like a Trickle. . .

30. When the Saints Go Sneaking In

31. Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following

32. God of Taste, and God of Stories

33. Lift Every Voice and Intellectualise

Pretext or Reality?

This is the verbatim transcript of a message given in 1993 to an American congregation of a spiritually impressive kind. That is to say, that it had all the appearances of a committed body, serious in the Lord, and whose lively worship seemed to testify of its abounding health. Nevertheless, after two nights of meetings, I felt, as the speaker, an increasing sense of despair that not much had been transacted and that if the Lord did not radically intervene there would be little point in continuing.

This message was given on the third night, having spent the day in fasting and earnest intercessory prayer. With hardly a single exception, the entire congregation went down on their faces at its conclusion in a depth of groaning and intensive seeking of the Lord.

The word is like an arrow to the heart of the need of the church world-wide especially in its seeming ?success? and how much more in its static predictability. May it affect you as a reader as it did those who heard and received it as the Lord?s word.

Tonight I believe that the Lord?s heart is on the subject of conversion. I?m very fond of saying, ?Many saved, few converted,? and I?ve come to a realisation after two nights, that to continue along the lines that we have been speaking would be vain unless there has in fact been a radical crossing to the other side. I can?t think of a greater cruelty or delusion than to speak about apostolic things when we are spiritually incapacitated or incapable of walking them out, especially when something foundational to our relationship with God has not yet been effected. The apostolic things that pertain to His glory can only find fulfilment in a people who are utterly abandoned to God. If we embrace only the vocabulary of apostalicity, we engage the cruellest of all deceptions. Let?s talk about anything else, and use any other kind of language, but let?s not embrace this language unless we have an intent to fulfil it. Somehow we need to pause in the course of what is being unfolded in these days and raise the question of the authenticity of our own conversion. Can you understand that it is possible somehow to be saved and even born again of the Spirit - even be filled with the Spirit - and yet not be converted in the sense of an utterness toward God that apostolic reality requires?

Seeing that we are focusing on Paul, I want to read an account of his conversion from Acts, Chapter 9. It is remarkable to note that in the book of Acts there are three expressions or recordings of that conversion. Perhaps it is not an exaggeration to suggest that the apostolic life that followed was altogether proportionate to the kind of commencement or beginning that it had from the first. Or to put it in another way, maybe we can?t exceed or go beyond what is the point of our beginning. Some of us may need a day of new beginnings or a beginning that has never in fact been made; which if it is in fact not made, would condemn us to being fixed at a certain level of Christian response beneath what the Lord himself intensely intends and desires.

I?m going to ask that we stand and ask the Lord?s blessing before we read the Scriptures. I don?t know where that thought came from, but somewhere in the course of the day I just had a sense of us standing to pray and I just want to invite you to call on the Lord even now. No lengthy prayer from one saint, but just a brief inviting of God to pull out the stops, to ask Him for something of an extraordinary kind. I?m always believing the Lord for something like that, an impetus like that in your spirit, so just sound out from where you are standing and then I?ll conclude in prayer and then we?ll get into the word for tonight.

So then, first reading from Acts 9?

?And Saul, yet breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest and desired of him letters to Damascus to the synagogues, that if he found any this way, whether they were men or women, he might bring them bound unto Jerusalem. And as he journeyed, he came near Damascus: and suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven: And he fell to the earth and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou Me? And he said, Who are thou Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus who thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks. And he trembling and astonished said, Lord what would thou have me to do? And the Lord said unto him, Arise and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must do. And the men which journeyed with him stood speechless, hearing a voice, but seeing no man. And Saul rose from the earth; and when his eyes were opened, he saw no man: but they led him by the hand, and brought him into Damascus. And he was three days without sight, and neither did eat nor drink. And there was a certain disciple at Damascus, named Ananaias; and to him said the Lord in a vision, Ananaias. And he said, Behold, I am here, Lord. And the Lord said unto him, arise, and go to the street which is called Straight, and enquire in the house of Judas for one called Saul, of Tarsus: for, behold, he prayeth. And hath seen in a vision a man named Ananaias coming in, and putting his hand on him that he might receive his sight. Then Ananaias answered, Lord I have heard by many of this man, how much evil he hath done to thy saints at Jerusalem. And here he hath authority from the chief priests to bind all that call on thy name. But the Lord said unto him, Go thy way: for he is a chosen vessel unto Me, to bear My name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel: For I will shew him how great things he must suffer for my name?s sake.? [Acts 9:1-16]

Thank you precious God, for the light that shone upon an enemy and deeply converted him, my God, from the murderer to the chief apostle of the Church. What a work, my God, that comes down from heaven in the moment that you appoint, even in all our opposition. We pray that tonight?s speaking, my God, might be for us who have not yet fallen to the earth and who are still proceeding from our seeing, and not yet from yours - that we might be brought down in order that we may be brought up, and that we might learn what great things we must suffer for your name?s sake, whom you will bring before Gentiles and kings - and especially in these last days, before the house of Israel. Come and speak to us out of this text, my God. We thank you and praise you for the privilege of a word about it that might be for us the event of it, in Jesus? holy Name, Amen.

So, as I?ve already said, the inception of the apostolic life greatly determines its end. Many of us are malfunctioning, not walking in fullness, because of inadequate beginnings. I can go off on a long dissertation about the inadequacy of our contemporary gospel, of it being more of a kind of formula for salvation than it is an induction into the most holy faith, and how the pagans in Thessalonica who heard an apostolic proclamation of that gospel were saved ?from their idols to serve the living God, and to wait for His son who comes from heaven and who will save them in the day of His wrath.? (1 Thess. 1:9). Evidently, they heard a much fuller and more powerful presentation of the gospel than most of us, and therefore, right from the instant of their conversion, a quality of things was released that made that church distinctive. Indeed, they reflect their beginning and we reflect ours.

But praise God that if our beginnings have been faulty and inadequate, if our poverty of beginning has affected our subsequent walk, then there are ways in which God can give us a new beginning.

I see in this a kind of parallel with Israel and the great ?crossing over? that they were required to make with Joshua. There is a Jordan, which means literally, ?a descent into death.? And this crossing leaves behind those who stumbled about in the religious wasteland for forty years where many cadavers had been left behind who did not have the fullness of heart of a Caleb or Joshua (Caleb means ?Whole-hearted?). Only two out of an entire generation had the privilege of being welcomed into the land of promise and participating in the taking of the land. We stand at this kind of crossroad today. It is time to cross over, and this sense of crossing has been heavy on my heart in all the days I have been here and even the days that immediately proceeded my coming to you.

But do you know that not all of the house of Israel crossed, but that a portion of the tribes of Gad, Manasseh and Reuben chose to remain on the other side? They remained because the ground there was lush, and the grasses were high and they were cattle breeders, who obviously recognised something of immediate value. They were unwilling for that risk of a faith in what might be found on the other side. They pleaded with Moses and got what they wanted, and they were allowed to remain on the wrong side of the Jordan and have been subsequently lost to the whole history of Israel. The only melancholy reminder we have of the tribe of Gad, who chose the wrong side, are the Gadarenes of the New Testament time who raised pigs and were unwilling, even at that later time, for a deliverer to come because it proved expensive for their flesh. They much preferred to sustain their herds, rather than welcome Him who casting those same herds into the sea delivers from demon spirits!

What a commentary on the consequences of an unwillingness to cross over, of a languishing on the wrong side. I think that the reason is always the same - because it is conducive to the ?flesh,? because back there we have an assurance to things that pertain to ?herds? (i.e., our immediate self-interest).

So there is now, as then, a real necessity for ?crossing over,? lest our own carcasses be found on the wrong side, or that we degenerate into the melancholy that became true for the tribes of Gad and Manasseh, who refused to go over but remained fixed for their ?cattle?s sake!? We just reviewed what the land of the Gadarenes had become by the time of Jesus, centuries later; they are lost even now to any kind of historical remembrance, let alone value.

Consequently, the conversion of Paul, and our conversion, is critical. It begins with the phrase, ?As he journeyed?? I think there is more hope for an enemy of God journeying in full sincerity, even in his error, than for those who purport to be the friends of God and have long since ceased journeying and are just kind of ?treading water? or occupying some kind of safe place. There is more hope to convert an enemy who is in motion, however grievous his error (and the error is a consequence, even, of an intensity for God, however misconceived), than there is for those of us who are safely ensconced in correct credos and doctrines but are not moving at all!

So, there is something in my spirit that rises up in the words we read, ?But as he journeyed?? You wonder if there would have been a conversion if Saul would have been content to rest on his lees and to be satisfied with the conventional categories of orthodoxy that satisfied most of his contemporaries. ?But as he journeyed, suddenly there came a light from heaven,? and I?m wondering if journeying is a condition of that light for us as well? Is it that when the Lord sees a questing there is more hope of our being arrested by the light of God than if we are merely treading water, satisfied with the spiritual status quo of our lives? But until that light shines, until something comes down to us from above, we are fixed in the place where we are. Everything is from the great, sovereign hand of God. Whose eye ?roves to and fro over the face of the earth, seeking that one whose heart is perfect toward Him.? If that were not so, I would not be speaking to you now. I would not be in the faith but would have been a dead man a long time ago. But even as an atheist, and as an enemy of God, ?pouring out threats and murder? against the Church thirty-seven years ago in the same kind of vehemence and opposition as Saul, I was arrested. (See Art?s ?Odyssey of a Modern Jew,? the testimonial book of his own conversion). Probably for the same kinds of reasons that even in my error, even in my opposition to the Church and the faith, unable to mouth the name of Jesus, except as a blasphemy and a curse, God saw a heart that was desiring truth, that was willing to be on the way, ?journeying.? I think this is a disposition pleasing to God, even after one?s initial encounter with God!

I love the way the Lord encountered Saul, who fell to the earth and heard a voice saying to him, ?Saul. Saul, why persecuteth thou Me?? I think that if we are examining the anatomy of conversion, of what it is that must be radically turned, it is this fatal error, if it is allowed final expression, will ultimately result in the persecution of God and the Church. And what is this error? It is this - putting our ?thou? before God?s ?Me.? ?Why persecuteth thou Me?? Why do you celebrate, and put your self-interest, however religious and sanctified you think it is, before Me? Here is where I have to trust the Holy Ghost to take that simple thing that lies too deep for words, and reveal the crux of the matter. We are not converted until His ?Me? is before our ?thou.? That is the fatal mishap, we go through an entire lifetime with our ?thou? preceding His ?Me,? even religiously. Something needs to be wrenched about, radically altered and corrected; the one thing must be before the other - His ?Me? before our ?thou.? If that does not take place, be assured that in one form or the other, we are persecuting God; we are opposing God even while we purport to be labouring and serving in His interest! Isn?t that exactly the picture of Saul? Note that here is not some calculated atheist, indifferent to God, but here was a man zealous for God. The error that led to the persecution of God?s own people, and God Himself in His people, was committed by a religious man in error whose ?thou?, however well meaning, was yet before God?s ?Me.?

How does it stand with you tonight? If that basic and fatal error is possible for a man of religious zeal, who, with every right intention, sought to serve God and to seek out opportunities to round up heretics and bring them back to Jerusalem, how much more then are we capable of exactly the same fatal error? Why we put our ?thou? before His ?Me? is the nub of the matter, so long as we have made ourselves central and prior to Him. That, I think, is essentially characteristic of the Church today, even in its best ?charismatic? form. It is still our ?thou?, it is still, ?How are we affected?? That stubborn, spiritually egocentric attitude, however unconscious and expressed, can only be dislodged by profound conversion. For this in fact is what conversion is.

We can be saved; we can be filled with the Spirit; and yet, this central thing can remain unattended until a light shines down upon us from heaven and brings us down to the earth. Have we not, even in these two nights, integrated His word into the existing categories by which we affirm ourselves, misappropriating the very thing intended by God to unseat and even to devastate us?

I?ll say it again. How many of us, in the hearing of the word on these very nights, have taken that word in through the prism of our own subjectivity and fitted it into the existing construct of our life, our categories, and found a way in which the Word would be amenable to our view of ourselves, of our spirituality, of our call? In a word, what are we doing, even unconsciously, is elevating ourselves above the Word, and ourselves determining how it is to be fitted comfortably into the categories that we approve. Instead of allowing the Word to devastate and demolish our categories, we stand or sit above it as arbiters, carefully moulding it so that it can neatly be taken in and even acknowledged and celebrated as the Word of God, applauding the speaker for having brought it, thinking we have done God?s service!

Can you see why we need to be converted? This egocentrism is unspeakably deep, and ironically, deepest in the religious and spiritual realm. What greater affront to God, what greater expression of putting our ?thou? before His ?Me? than the way in which we even hear and conditionally receive the Word? It is an entirely unconscious process, and we have been doing it for years, thereby missing the value and intent of the God who gave it!

I have to say that last night after the service I left depressed. I felt dejected. My spirit had sunk, I was slumping. I felt a tremendous exhaustion, a tiredness not only of body, but of soul. The word was good - the word was precious in God?s intention, but somehow by the time it had been transmuted to the hearer, the way in which the hearer had received it and even responded or did not respond was already showing that our ?thou? was before His ?Me?. That is why the Lord is saying tonight, ?Halt - I?ll go no further! I?m not going to share the holy things of the apostolic faith with a people who are going to take it, internalise it, and so construe it as to fit into their existing mindsets. By so doing, they somehow find a way to exalt what the word is intending to devastate.?

In effect, we set ourselves above His Word, determining to what degree we allow it credence and acceptance. We determine to what degree we intend practically to internalise and implement it.

Do you realise that this is almost continually going on? Ours is a holy God. He?s pouring His heart out to us and there we are, consciously or unconsciously calculating to what degree we are going to realistically receive such a word with the intent of doing it!

I think in this one thing I have described the essential malaise of the Church, why It is so stale, why It is not going from faith to faith and from glory to glory, why its services are replete with ?sermons? rather than the word of God, which by its very nature demands response and change and is the purpose for which the Word is given. We are not hearing with the intent of doing. We are hearing with the intent of approving the Word as biblical and enjoying it.

Can you see that we bring a whole kind of mindset that stymies the very preciousness of the Word and intent of God?

FOR IF WE WILL NOT BE CHANGED BY THE WORD, BY WHAT ELSE SHALL WE BE CHANGED? But are we receiving it in an open and naked way and letting it have its full work? Are we willing to say, ?Lord, let be unto me according to Thy word?? I don?t know what the consequences will be - it may mean the eradication of my home and lifestyle, of my whole mode of being, or the loss of that for which I have laboured so long that is not intrinsically wrong in itself. But until we come to the place where our heart says continually, in the hearing of the Word, ?Let it be unto me,? we no longer hear the Word as God?s; it can no longer perform the work of God. It becomes merely a ?sermon? that we approve or dismiss.

What did it take for Mary to say, ?Let be unto me according to Thy word?? It meant nothing less than receiving a pregnancy that could not be explained, and that to a pious, self-righteous generation totally prepared to stone to death on the doorstep of her father?s house that woman who had an inexplicable pregnancy. To this day, the Talmud, the writing of the rabbis, makes shaded allusion to Mary?s pregnancy as having come from a Roman soldier. How else shall inexplicable pregnancies be understood? And when Mary said, ?Let be unto me according to Thy word,? she meant, ?I am willing to bear the full consequence of receiving this word, even if it shall mean my death in disgrace although I am in fact a virgin in Israel.?

I?ll tell you, when God shall find a heart like that, there is no limit to the extent of the divine work that can then have its inception. When I think of the potential in this room for the works of God in these last days, not only in this community but beyond it, in a world that is rocked and wracked by violence and filth and muck and perversion and corruption of every kind, waiting for those who will come to it, being sent by God, I sense the frustration of God, who cannot even perform it until a people will first receive His Word inthat same virginal disposition of spirit, willing for its full consequence, whatever that consequence might be! ?Let it be unto me according to Thy Word.?

You?ll save yourself much unnecessary aggravation wondering what the outworking of that word will be in its particular application, if you have reconciled within yourself that it will inevitably lead to the place of death. And once you?ve made that reckoning, what difference by what form it comes - stoning at the doorstep of your father?s house, disgrace, rejection of men, hostility, misunderstanding, catcalls, or shrieks or reproach - these kinds of things with moral and physical hazards of all kinds? God is yet waiting, and has never had any other inception for His works than one who will say, ?Let it be unto me according to Thy Word!?

Let us note Saul?s answer when he was confronted by the Jesus who said, ?Saul, you celebrated and elevated your ?thou? before my ?Me?? From it came that one great apostolic statement that underlines the whole of the great career that would follow, ?Lord, what would You have for me to do?? I want to say that every invoking of the word ?Lord? without also following it with the balance of Paul?s statement, is playing with a holy thing, even a taking of the name of the Lord in vain.

I want to ask you dear ones?When was the moment that you transacted with God something of the utterness with which Paul commenced his apostolic walk? That one question subsumes and includes every and all other questions, ?Lord, what would You have for me to do?? No ifs, no ands, no buts. No stipulations, no conditions, no guarantees, no requests - even for illumination, understanding, or explanation. If the Lord is Lord, we have but one posture only, to be down on the earth before Him, with this one cry resonating throughout the balance of our natural lives, ?Lord, what would You have for me to do?? We say it once, but we live forever in the resonance of that question or we do not live apostolically at all. And that is not one of the least of the reasons why we are hearing tonight what we are hearing. I came with a briefcase full of many choice messages, but I?m not at liberty to cite or to employ any one of them, however much I would delight in the promulgation of the precious, holy seed that God has given me. But my every speaking, my every service, like yours, needs again and again to be conducted in the resonance of that one question only, ?Lord, what would You have for me to do??

How many apostolic careers are in abeyance tonight? How many prophets are there in this room? How many evangelists and teachers and pastors? How many women of travail and intercession, how many callings of God hanging and waiting for the one question God yet waits to hear - a word that has never been sounded in His hearing with every stop removed and with all qualifications forsaken? It is the statement of utter, apostolic abandon. And until the Lord hears it, He is not going to tell you what to do.

That there are things to do is beyond question; but they can only be performed in the power given to those to whom they can be entrusted. ?The Spirit is given without measure? to the sons who have no purpose in themselves and no life for themselves, but who live by one question only, which indeed is living! ?Lord, what would You have for me to do?? Anything less is deprivation. Anything less is conditional and inadequate. It is being seized with fears and doubts and vacillations and all those things that cripple and compromise and show us up. There is a release only when we have come finally to that place where with full integrity we say and put before God that thing for which He waits, that thing which He cannot command or compel, but must be utterly and freely and totally given. And no matter what we intone, He?s not Lord until it has been given.

?Lord, what would You have for me to do?? I think that the answer is eternally the same, though the form of the fulfilment of it may vary - ?I will show him how great thing he must suffer for my name?s sake.? No wonder we don?t ask the question.

How wisely we intuit what the necessary answer must be. But I?ll tell you dear saints, if you don?t know it, that for every suffering that comes as the consequences of obedience to the Lord is a glory unspeakable, is reward eternal, is a joy even in the midst of the suffering and pain and distress and misunderstanding of men and the reproach that follows an obedience to a God who would have us do.

We need to ask ourselves, has there ever been a point, in the whole of our Christian life, where each of us has asked God, ?Lord, what would You have for me to do?? - with full intention, not in just giving answer to something that would be spoken in that moment, but living continually in the light of that question ever after?

THERE WILL BE NO APOSTOLIC CHURCH UTIL THAT QUESTION IS BOTH ASKED, AND CONSISTENTLY MAINTAINED.

?Well Art, you don?t understand, I?m a professional, I?m a doctor, I?m not some off-the-wall ?Jesus freak? like Saul. He didn?t have much to lose. You have to realise that I have a family and professional responsibilities.?

Saul was the prized student of the Rabbi Gamaliel, and if there is any man who committed religious suicide by the raising of that question and forfeiting an entire career that would have won him a celebration to this day in Jewish orthodoxy, it was Saul. But he forfeited all that, and counted it as dung, as we know, by raising the only question, the right question, that any creature can raise before its Creator, ?Lord, what would You have for me to do?? Whatever the consequences, whatever the loss, You are Lord, and if You are not the Lord of that question, then anything I would presume to speak in that name is a mockery and a travesty and a religious exercise that even at best falls short of the glory of God!

The irony is, and mark my words, if you continue in such an exercise, in the last days you?ll find yourself, not among the persecuted, but among the persecutors! Centrifugal force continues to work, ever bringing us into the one orbit or the other - into that which is apostolic or that which is finally apostate! ?For the love of many shall grow cold,? and the last days shall be marked by the great apostasy and falling away of many who could not bring themselves to follow the Lord withersoever He would lead them, but who found themselves in a vortex of a kind less than that which is apostolic and themselves offended by those who are apostolic and ironically opposing and persecuting them! This is the end of those whose ?thou? is yet before His ?Me.?

We must not ask, with Saul, ?Who art thou, Lord?? and receive the answer, ?I am Jesus, whom thou persecutest.?

Do we really know Him until we do? Lord, give me grace, I don?t know how to say this, I have been trying to say it for two nights,. ?Who art thou Lord?? Even the revelation of You as Lord so much waits on our ?pulling out the stops?, that You are not going to squander and give us such treasure of the revelation of the knowledge of Yourself in truth until You see a people of truth willing to serve You in truth, but who are presently labouring with a truncated and inadequate understanding of God. If we really recognise it, we would see it crippling our spiritual life; we cannot rise above our inadequate vision of Jesus that we have subjectively internalised for our own purpose. We need to ask, really and truly, ?Lord who art Thou??

I have myself been guilty of mouthing that word glibly in a facile way. Who hasn?t? But I have to acknowledge in the light that is shining down on us from above tonight - I really don?t know as I ought to know! ?Who art Thou?? The answer is, ?I AM. IAM THAT I AM THAT I AM. I will be who I will be. I am Jesus. I?m not your ?buddy boy? and I am not the one to help you along the way and patch up your marriage, though I do all those things. I am above your need. I AM JESUS.? Unless that revelation comes, and comes when our faces are upon the ground, what kind of apostolic service can we perform? For it cannot exceed, but must necessarily reflect whatever our knowledge of God in truth is. Is that not why we ourselves are victims of inadequate ministries? Is not that why we have been invited to ?accept the Lord? and repeat a prayer? Praise God for the measure in which He honours that, but look now how stultified our lives have been, banging around, divorced and remarried, doing the kinds of things that reflect not having a true beginning from the first. We never knew Him as we ought, and yet we are ?singing His praises,? or think we are! And the powers of darkness, brooding over us, relish the continuation of just this kind of thing that causes them no perturbance at all! There is nothing here that alarms them. Go ahead, continue your round of services; continue your programs. It in no way jeopardises the kingdom of darkness, because you cannot rise above and exceed your inadequate knowledge of God. Even the use of His name is a kind of ?nomenclature,? a formula, a shallowness that does not invoke much.

Only that one who is deeply converted, that one who has gone down on his face and must be raised up from it as blind, who can see no man and must be lead away as a child, is the one with the potential to threaten the kingdom of darkness! And how many of us want to be so led away by the hand? Here was Saul, the prize student of the Rabbi Gamaliel, he who could quote you yards of scripture with rabbinical interpretation, lying utterly blind, utterly devastated by the word that came to him in the voice that called him by name. And when he arose, he could not see because of that light and had to be led away, and he saw no man. And I don?t think he ever saw men in the way we see, evoking in us fear and intimidation and compromise. The fear of man is so powerful, so repressive an element in our Christian living because we have never gone down and been brought up in blindness by that light that never again permits us to see man, even ourselves in our own humanity.

Now I want to tell you the last and cruellest of our deceptions - it is our concern to be understood and to be perceived in the way we would like men to acknowledge us spiritually. And until we are blind to men, even to the ?spiritual man? that we think ourselves to be or who we desire to be known as, we cannot serve God apostolically . We must come to such a selflessness, such a mindlessness about this last man, this last cruel deceiver, who, after we have given up every other form, yet retains this kind of power by which we are traduced and compromised; the necessity to be understood by men in the way that we would wish ourselves to be seen and to be approved! We need to come to place where we see no man, even our own man, even our own seeing!

That is why Paul could say, ?Follow me as I follow Christ,? without an iota of arrogance or audacity. Is it not we who think that he is arrogant because we project upon him the ego in which we still live, not having fallen on our face upon the ground upon which he had fallen, and been blinded by the light of God, which blinded him? You project on him your own idea of ?man? and assume that he must mean by that some kind of egotistic statement because you cannot understand a man who sees no man, and in which the element of self is therefore not a factor. He does not have to be recognised, he can be despised, he can be cast out, he can be the offscouring of the world, without so much as blinking at it, for he sees no man. The light that has come down has blinded him once and for all to that last crippling seeing, even the seeing of ourselves that makes us spiritually self-conscious and therefore compromised.

?And he, trembling in astonishment asked, Lord, what would You have for me to do?? I?m a little suspicious, even to give an invitation tonight, and have you say now, ?Lord, what would You have for me to do?? Of course you?ll say it, but you will leave unchanged because it must be said ?with astonishment and trembling.? God forbid that we should make of this the last and worst and cruellest of deceptions in an altar call that we can glibly fulfil. Aren?t we doing that already, with our so called ?repentance?s and confessions? and other kinds of statement that are just a little too easy for us to pronounce? You?ll know it is authentic when you die a thousand deaths in making it. Beware of anything that is fascicle, that is easy, that is glib, however correct. The cruellest delusion is to find ourselves in a lie about the very thing that is correct. It is with an utterness of astonishment and trembling that we need to say, ?Lord, what would You have me to do??

And you can know that if you will say that tonight, the God who inspired this word also will hear your word, and take you at that word. Your life will be changed, from this night and from that speaking. Things will be released that have been held in abeyance, waiting for the pronouncement that must come from you, but may rightly come only if it is true and not just a religious reflex, but made with astonishment and with trembling. This is the point of ?crossing.?

Many of us have said, ?Lord, what would You have me to do?? but only in a particular moment of distress or need. But who of us asked it foundationally in a once and for all way, in utter abandonment of something never again to be taken back? Once you say this, the words are irretrievable. Something has been registered and recorded in the annals of heaven and has been heard in the hearing of witnesses and before the principalities and powers of the air. It is once and for all! It requires an utterness that nothing in this world has prepared us to perform.

This is the world of relativism; this is the world of ?Easy come, easy go.? This is the world of ?maybe,? ?I guess,? and ?I suppose.? This is the world that shuns and despises the absoluteness of God, and therefore cannot meet Him on that ground. To meet Him on this ground, with that absoluteness, with ?all the stops pulled out?, is once and for all to be brought out of that relativistic world of compromise into the ?absoluteness? of the kingdom of heaven!

That is the reason I?m fasting today as well as praying. I know there is something of a transaction that can be performed tonight with astonishment and with trembling that will shake the earth, that will release in the earth such things that will take eternity of eternities to celebrate. This is the kind of thing that is beyond any man to perform. This thing itself must be given by God, but it must be spoken by men who are willing to ?go down.? Be assured, you will never come up again in the same way. TO LIVE A WHOLE LIFE CONTINUALLY REITERATING THAT QUESTION IS CONVERSION.

What is your condition tonight? What is your status? Are you just ?saved? - or are you converted? The moment God, Who has waited so long, hears your response, He will answer, ?Arise and go, and it will be told you what you must do.? But before it is told you, before there is an explanation, before there is any assurance, arise and go. That rising is in the strength and power of the resurrection life itself! That coming up from that death into that which you have gone, like one struck dead from that light, is not you pulling yourself together, it is the force of the life of the Lord Himself. For the rising and the going is a call to things beyond any capacity in yourself to perform and to do. It is entirely a resurrection requirement! That is what makes apostolic doing a glory, and that is why Paul himself, the Chief of the apostles, was the one who most frequently punctuated his prayers with the cry, ?Lord, who is sufficient for these things?? As I say this, I know that I am looking out on a congregation of very sufficient human beings, very skilled, very capable, very well ordered lives, who could make a very impressive show of things. But God is calling you, dear saints, to a dimension of service beyond any capacity in yourself to perform, and says, ?Arise and go.? And when He says, ?Arise,? it is not just an invitation, but an impartation of life, waiting for the one who has forfeited any hope in himself in any possibility of serving God on the basis of his own ability.

I?ve seen grown men tremble and weep when they heard this astonishing word. They were sailing along marvellously, serving God with adroitness and ability when they heard a word like this that cut like sword through their hearts and brought them down as dead men, trembling on the ground. Later, when they were physically lifted up and seated in a chair in astonishment, with hands clapped over their mouths, each one would say to me, ?But Art, I have been encouraged in the Church to perform on the basis of my Ph.D. and my expertise, and I have been solicited to serve and do things on that level, and have until now succeeded marvellously.?

But now something has come clear beyond any capacity in the individual; there is no rising, no walking away except in the power of that indestructible life that raised Jesus from the dead, and will raise us also who are willing to be struck dead, brought down into that earth and entirely blinded to the thing that we perceive as capable and celebrated as correct. Must we, like Saul, wait for someone to lay hands on us to confer to us our seeing and an understanding as it is only mediated through a lowly member of the body of Christ?

How classic this conversion is; its every element so formed in heaven, its wisdom so eternal that this great Saul, this giant in himself, was so reduced by the light that had fallen from heaven, greater than the noonday sun, that he was taken like a child by the hand in total helplessness and dependency lying as one dead. Blind for three days and nights, neither eating or drinking, he reviewed his entire ?charismatic? understanding. All of the principles of the faith, all of his ?New Testament? understanding, the Lord totally put to death. For if he was to be God?s gift to the Church, it had to be by an understanding conferred by God and is received by the laying on of hands by the simplest of the saints, Ananias. In the total dependency to which God brought him, Saul was grateful that there was an obedient servant, who, however great his personal fear, obeyed God and came, laying his hands on Saul, that he might see. God had to teach this apostle, the Chief apostle to the Church, the genius and mystery of the Body of Christ from the very inception of his whole apostolic walk, a lesson that many of us have never yet understood and have not yet seen, though employing its terminology! It must be conferred by revelation to those who would otherwise be blind to it.

However much we mouth the particulars of the ?Body of Christ,? (as if a new fad or a new vogue and a new vocabulary with which we can play and express ourselves), if it has not come to us by revelation, it has not come to us. Maybe that is why we are in our current condition. It is only ?terminology,? and awaits a receiving of something utterly humiliating that can only come to us through the operation of the lowly Body, or it will not come at all.

This ?Arise and go,? saints, that will come for some of us in this hour, need not mean that any factor of our life is in any way outwardly changed. You will still go to work tomorrow, you will still come home to your same house. In fact, nothing of our circumstances will in any way be externally altered, and yet, at the same time, profoundly, everything will be altered. This ?Arise and go? sets in motion the whole heavenly dynamic by which in one day that to which we will return may not always be there.

So it is not for you to posture and for you to deliberate what you need to do once you have made this response. Having made it, the arising and going, having been set by God, will have its own logic, its own unfolding. ?It shall be told thee what thou must do.? Like Abraham, you will hear, ?Get thee out into the land that I will show you.? There is always a future dimension that requires this trembling and cleaving to the God who will show us what is required the next day, even the next moment. That is not the way we have been groomed by our society to live. We want to know; we want to have assurance; we want to have a firm grasp on what we are doing and why we are doing it and what will be the consequences of our doing. But God says, ?I will show you what you must do.?

And I?ll tell you, for men who hear the kind of word that the Lord is pleased to give me, it is a ?will show you? even for the very next sentence! It is the very next word. I don?t know what follows this one. ?Where do I go from hear Lord?? Your notes are not going to be your dependency. There is a necessary cleaving to what is given moment by moment by the God who has called us, and calls us into an utterness of dependency upon Him that violates every strength and confidence in which the world would have us to be established. It is a pilgrim way and you?ll never get used to it.

Yesterday?s success will not suffice today. Now, the consequences are even greater; life and death are at stake, eternity is in the balance, and who is sufficient for this kind of speaking? Once you arise and go, that is, begin to speak, it will be told thee. But you need to live with the tension of it, just as Abraham did, as every true saint who has ever responded to such a call, because there are things you must do. Thing that no one else can, that no one else is intended to do. It is explicit; it is appointed; there is a must that is for you. And God is bound up for the revelation, for the releasing of it, until He has heard your, ?Lord, what would You have for me to do??

?It shall be told thee,? God says, ?when you?ll tell Me that you are willing to put your ?thou? beneath My ?Me? once and for all.? Now your purpose and calling can be revealed; now it can be released. And it will not be what you thought it would be, but what the Lord has intended it to be and will now show you. It is here where God makes the apostolic appointment, the eternally significant purpose for our being. This is the antidote to religious boredom and is the highly serious faith that persuades even our own children.

Do you know what the measure of having come to apostolic verity is? It is that we are able even to persuade our own children of the truth and seriousness of that which we are about. These children have the uncommon facility for sensing just how earnest their parents are together with other adults. They are asking themselves, ?How much does this also make a requirement of me, though I am young? Is it something to which they (the adults) subscribe, because they like that kind of thing??

We will know that we have arrived at apostolic verity and reality corporately, when we will have persuaded our own children! And the fact that we haven?t, as yet, has had a toll beyond anything that we can conceive. Our present satisfaction and willingness to abide in something less than the sacrificial intention of God has come about because we have languished in and have loved the wrong side because its grasses are flourishing that feed our flesh. This has cost the kingdom of God incalculably in virtually every home.

Until we have come to this, have not our best religious efforts been a ?persecuting of the saints,? by means of lulling them into a lesser place, even ironically in the name of that which is apostolic and prophetic? Jesus said to Saul, ?In that you have persecuted the Church, you have persecuted Me.? Are we not guilty of persecuting the Church if we are measuring out to it something less than that which is heavenly? Is it not a depriving of the saints in encouraging then to equate doctrinal correctness and the verbalising of truth as being truth itself? Is it not fancying that we ourselves are there, while all the while we have not yet entered the land of promise, let alone taken its cities? Are we still not on the wilderness side? Have we not persecuted the Church, short-changed it, and liberally gilded our acts with words ?apostolic? and ?prophetic,? though we have condemned our hearers to languishing on the wrong side without even the awareness that that is their condition?

So Saul arose from the earth, and when his eyes were opened, he saw no man. He never again saw men or feared men, but found that key to apostolic boldness and uncompromising audacity that regards God Himself only. From this time forward, everything is for the Lord?s sake and not for one?s own. You?ll find that in Paul?s writings. You never hear any reference to, ?for my sake.? There is no ?my.? It is for their sake and the Lord?s sake. And what kind of Church would we have today if men of this kind were our ministers? Until we have such men, we are suffering a kind of deprivation that is tantamount to persecution, and those who have been its ministers need to recognise this and fall before the Lord.

So then, the one who persecuted the Body, failing to recognise its Head, receives sight, receives apostolic seeing, through the laying on of hands by its simplest member. From the very first, the Chief apostle was instructed about his dependency upon the Body and what the genius of that organism is - that alone is glory to God. And unless we ourselves lie blind, ?neither eating nor drinking for three days,? (i.e., putting aside even our traditional categories) we shall not see, but be condemned to employ the terminology of the Body of Christ while living effectually independent of it, yet all the while lauding it, thinking that we are doing God?s service!

?and immediately he arose and there fell from his eyes as it had been scales.? I trust this is happening now.

?And straight away he preached Christ in the synagogues, that He is the son of God.? And straight away, equally, he opened himself to the opposition and persecution of men who have a particular vitriolic hatred for that which is apostolically authentic. Who cannot abide is challenging reality!

?Away with such a fellow from the earth, for he is not fit to live! And they cried out and cast off their clothes and through dust into the air.? What is there about a converted man that makes the powers of darkness so fulminate and foam and rage that men are besides themselves with a fury, and filled by the spirit of it, and cannot abide that ?such a man? live?

What a man - what a heavenly man! What a servant to the Church, for the Church?s sake and for the Lord?s sake! It is this kind of selflessness that labours day and night and brings the whole counsel of God without fear that it will be understood, accepted, or rejected, or cause offence. Such a man does not anticipate the consequences for himself, because he lives in the resonance of one great statement, continually, ?Lord, what would You have for me to do??

Let?s bow before Paul?s God at this hour, who is the I AM and JESUS still. Many are called, but few are chosen, he tells us. Remember; Many saved, but few converted. Conversion is to the uttermost, or it is not conversion. It is an utterness to God by the Spirit, that the world cannot abide and will forever oppose, even unto death. But the works that such a man will do are eternal in their consequence.

So, in the name of Jesus, and as the minister of this word, I call upon you to respond with fear and trembling and astonishment to the God whose light has shone round about you. Bring down to earth every lesser thing, however correct, however applauded by men, however much it delights your own soul, that He might raise you up for the works that you must do when you arise and go in the power of the life given you once you have gone down into the death of everything less. Let Him hear you from that place one statement only, ?Lord, what would You have for me to do??

I think the Lord is being literal; He means that explicit statement; He means a real coming down. Don?t deceive yourself that you can make a private, silent, seated transaction saying, ?The Lord understands? and is accepting. It is just that kind of thing that has kept us from apostolic truth, reality, authority, and power. No respectable, private, polite transaction on your terms. One transaction only, on His terms, with an utterness that requires even your bodily coming down, and these explicit words spoken - ?Lord, what would You have for me to do??